


Magnus Bane and the River

by whichlights



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Book 2: City of Ashes, Canon Related, Drabble, Fear, Gen, Headcanon, One Shot, POV Magnus Bane, Panic, Pre-Canon, magnus lowkey hates himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:52:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whichlights/pseuds/whichlights
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus Bane has a fear of drowning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blame the River

When he was young- God knows how young ago -Magnus’s stepfather tried to drown him in the river by their house.

He’d said they were going for a walk. 

He took Magnus to the little river and they skipped stones.

He put his hand on top of Magnus’s head and ruffled his hair and when Magnus smiled at him, golden green cat eyes flashing, a flash of disgust went through his face. 

The next thing Magnus remembered was freezing cold water all around his head, and when he gasped the river entered his lungs. He thrashed and flailed and choked on water.

He panicked and lashed out, and even though he was young his fire was strong. Even through the water, Magnus could hear his stepfather’s screams and then the pressure on his head was gone and he shot up and choked and gasped in air.

Magnus scrambled out of the river, shaking and spluttering. All that remained of his stepfather was a charred husk. Magnus cried out, and his hands sparked. 

Fire. Fire was fierce and powerful and left destruction in its wake. 

Fire could be quenched by water.

Magnus backed even farther away from the river, crying softly, and warm sparks flying from his small hands. Later, much later, centuries later, he would blame his stepfather.

At the time, he blamed the river.

It was so much easier to blame the river. 


	2. Couldn't Let You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus's POV of the boat scene in City of Ashes

The terror Magnus felt when he saw Alec fall into the river made him want to vomit, cry, or curl up into a little ball and never move again. Maybe all three. It was a dumb, stupid fear.

Fear of drowning.

Fear of losing someone he cared about.

Fear of drowning.

Drowning.

Magnus was shaking and couldn’t stop. His hands were trembling. He wanted to jump in after Alec. Because _dear God if Alec drowned_ …

Magnus took one step towards the water and his heart nearly stopped. _He’s going to die. He’s going to die because you’re too scared to face your stupid fear. It’s just water dammit and Alexander is going to die and drown just JUMP._

The most terrifying thing in the world was realizing you couldn’t breathe. Magnus flailed in the water for three seconds, thinking _this was a bad idea_.

Magnus closed his eyes and shoved away an oncoming panic attack. His foot kicked something. Alec. He grabbed the collar of the Shadowhunter’s jacket.

Magnus gasped in air when he could get it and shivered, trying not to hyperventilate as Alec coughed up water and looked at him.

Magnus didn’t remember much of the following conversation, but the terror didn’t go away. He couldn’t stop shaking. Alec could tell. He could definitely tell because Magnus was stupid and weak and couldn’t get over something that had happened centuries ago.

Alec said something about needing to get back to the ship- the ship he’d just been thrown off of –and Magnus almost laughed. He was cold. He was tired. He was out of magic. Combined exhaustion and terror were threatening black at the edges of his vision. “I would help you," he managed, because he would. In a heartbeat. "But I can't.”

Magnus shivered a little and fought down a cough. “Stripping the protection wards off the ship was bad enough—it's a strong, strong enchantment, demon-based—but when you fell…”

Magnus winced as a headache shot through him. “I had to put a fast spell on the truck so it wouldn't sink when I lost consciousness. And I will lose consciousness, Alec. It's just a matter of time." He passed a hand across his eyes, and tried to find the words to express what he needed to say and couldn’t find them.

_I almost drowned as a kid and now I’m left with a crippling fear of water that I can’t get over and I almost couldn’t force myself to go in after you and you almost drowned too and it was almost my fault and I almost wasn’t enough to save you._

_But I did and I’m pretty proud of myself but I’m still scared and honestly I just want to pass out right now. I’m still terrified but hey, you’re alive. Because if you drowned what kind of sick joke would that be? I mean I nearly drowned then you do drown? Is the world that cruel?_

_Anyways I can’t say any of this to you right now because I… I can’t. I just can’t. But I need to express the depth of emotion I’m feeling right now because you can’t ever nearly drown ever again, okay?_

_God I’m such an idiot._

Lamely, in the end all he could manage was a weak, "I didn't want you to drown."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Magnus Bane my poor child who needs a warm drink and a blanket and a cat
> 
> Anyways tell me how to improve this/my writing skills for future short drabbles


End file.
